An open letter to President Donald Trump
May 14th, 2017
Dear President Trump,
I read a report today that you are considering firing your White House staff and part or most of your cabinet.
I understand that just because I read it doesn’t make it true. But on the chance that you would like to get a fresh start and go down in history as the man who Made America Great Again, seriously, with admiration and a straight face, here is how you could do it.
Now this might sound crazy, but remember, it’s all marketing. You want the press and the people to love you, you can do that. It would be a pretty sudden turn, but you are good at those and people are used to them. All you have to do is realize that the people who elected you are a minority of America, with a minority of the money, a minority of the respect, and a minority of the media exposure. Even though they made you President, they can’t make you loved and admired. That’s everybody else.
Fire your entire White House Staff and your Cabinet. Nominate Hillary Rodham Clinton for Secretary of State. Nominate Richard Painter as Attorney General.
These people would automatically get 48 Senate Democratic votes for confirmation. I bet money, marbles, or chalk 3 Republican Senators will join them.
Hire President Obama’s entire final White House staff and let them pretty much run things. Let them know, politely, that they’ll have to let Jared and Ivanka sit in. Hire back his National Security Agency, keep your current NSA, and leave them alone. Go golfing.
Tell your staff and two person emergency cabinet to put together a list of nominations. Nominate everybody on the list. You can tell your followers, This is the Trump American Way. We’re making America Great Again. They’ll buy it if you sell it like you mean it – and remember, this is Donald Trump in History on the line here. You’re going to be a Great President. All the TV shows (except Fox, and they’ll be out of business soon) and all the history books will agree.
Nominate real secretaries to the Federal departments, leaders who will make the air cleaner, the water more drinkable, the houses safer and more accessible, and the veterans’ lives easier. Nominate every possible undersecretary and under-undersecretary of whatever. Staff all the jobs.
Say, Who knew the Federal Government was so complicated?
You could be the President who brings back America’s love for the only thing which is uniquely us, uniquely America: our system of government. By showing them how you tried to get by without one, and by golly, it turns out we had it for a reason.
You’ll go down in history as a great leader. Seriously.
I guarantee the press will be falling over each other to tell the world how great you are. Absolutely guarantee it. This is a no-lose bet for you. You can go golfing; people will write admiring articles about the great work you’re doing.
OK, so now you’ve got a running government, and you only had to make basically 4 hires to get it done. And sign some nomination forms.
Next, you slap the living shit out of the Republican Congress, in public. You can only do all this, you can only be loved and remembered with respect, if you can get Congress in line. If they won’t go along, campaign against them for the next year and a half. The Democratic Congress that follows will give you all the things I suggest. The people are up in arms: point them at Congress. Use your media skills to get Congress to finally pass some laws that will make the economy take off like a scared rabbit. Making America Great Again.
Start out with universal, single payer health care. Talk to the people. Tell your voters how they’ve been suckered by the Crooked For-Profit Medical Industry. Tell them to call their Congressperson. The guys who own those companies look down their noses at you anyway. Don’t let them get away with that. Let them compete with real service, free, single payer service. They may bitch, but TV will tear them to shreds. You’ll be a star again.
You said on your campaign that you wanted to cover everybody. Cover everybody. Watch your crowds swell. Be no more empty seats at Trump rallies.
Put the propaganda industry out of America’s misery. Get Congress to pass a law that anything reported as fact or news has to have a real-world referent. Fact is a defined term. It’s not an imposition on the First Amendment to require truth in reporting. We required it in advertising and commerce survive. Thrived, even. Leave opinion alone, nobody can prove or disprove opinion. Just don’t let it be peddled as fact.
You already use the Fake News epithet regularly, no need to change that. Just direct it at the actual Fake News. Since the Real News will be kissing your footsteps it will be easy to support them.
We used to have the greatest rail system on Earth. Do that again. Build a transcontinental, coast to coast, border to border, high speed railroad. Make sure there is track in every coal state, every rust belt state, every depressed farm state, and put all those guys back to work at good paying jobs. Tell’em it’s the Second Coming of Coal.
Take bids to design the most comfortable, fastest, slickest train cars anywhere. Help with Federal financing to open factories to build them.
Build solar panels and wind turbines all along every new rail right-of-way. The Second Electrification of America.
There will be more work than every coal miner and unemployed factory worker in the country can do. Everybody working, buying new trucks and bass boats, adding new rooms on their houses – they’ll love you.
I’m telling you, Mr. Trump, it’s going to take somebody special to get this done. America really has fallen a long way. You’re right. We used to be first at everything. China is about to eat our lunch on solar electricity and electric cars. You’ve got that pizzazz. Get those mobs who are marching against you working with you and imagine what you could be! People would remember you like another Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Your rough first 100 days would be a footnote.
Oh, it would take some taxes on your rich buddies, but you can sell them that. You’ve got people paying 200 Large just to be members in your government – entertainment complex. You can sell them on paying to shut up the commoners.
Make it so nobody in America goes hungry. Even if they’re too stupid, to tired, too lazy, or too crippled to work, pay them a living wage. If they work pay them one too. Most people would rather work if they could afford to. Make it so somebody who sells hamburgers can afford a new American-made car. They used to. Make America Great Again.
Make paying a little extra for the better, American made product an affordable choice for working Americans. Bragging rights: Hey, man, I can afford the best, I buy American. That’s how you get jobs back, yes, even manufacturing jobs, although they’ll be different than before. Be the star of the whole 21st Century.
Pull out all the stops. Announce a full blown, public-private partnership to get America carbon – free by some really hard, close-by year, like say 2020. Get it 85-90% done and you’re a shoe-in for reelection.
Isn’t that what you want? To have America praise you, honor you, treat you like the President of the United States, and reelect you with a genuine huge margin? Do what I suggest and I guarantee you’ll get it. Oh, the Republicans might impeach you for this or that, but they’d never get a conviction in the Senate, not if you’re doing all this stuff, and after all the times you’ve been sued, you know all about winning in court. You can do it again.
All that other stuff you do, with the buildings and trademarks and foreign and domestic emoluments, you can probably get away with that a lot better if people have something cool to look at, like the new railway and clean power grid. Especially if they also have teeth. If somebody asks you about the Secret Service renting golf carts from you you just say, “Our electric golf carts helped cut carbon usage 19% already since I announced my plan,” and go on about your business. Go golfing.
So what do you say, President Trump? Want to go down in history as the President who Made America Great Again? Here’s a guaranteed plan.
Run this by Jared and Ivanka. I’ll bet they sign off on it.